Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
