if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
