A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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