if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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