Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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