Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
