you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize