he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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