My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
