Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
