were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
