My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
