my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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