my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
