Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
