She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
