Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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