I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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