It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
