I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
