At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
