If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
