apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
