Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
