I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
