Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
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