Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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