omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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