So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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