Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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