whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize