I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
