I think im going to throw up on grandma
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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