Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
