My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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