well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
