I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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