It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
