He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
