so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
