so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize