i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
