So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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