i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
not ubering you a puppy
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
