do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
