Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
