Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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