What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
