after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
