if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
