Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Randomize
