these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
