I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
