i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
