Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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