ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you would pick up someone in the library
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
