problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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