If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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