My brain says no but my pants say off.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
