the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
