I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
