He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
