Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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