I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
