I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
