I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
