Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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