I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
