My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
