At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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