respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
farters have to be the big spoon...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
