I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
