I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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