We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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